Today’s update is brought to you by Lauren’s sister Kelsey.

‘But what (you) what (you) don’t know, is how hard it is to make it look so easy’  Rascal Flats

Some days are really hard. We share the beautiful, we share the speeches, the trips, the fun outfits, the highlights but some days are really really hard. As a friend told me this weekend, you all make it look so easy.

I think back to one dinner Lauren and I had a few years back. We were going to see Lauren’s favorite artist (Molly Lovette) play at a very crowded bar. There was one 2 seat table near the front so we went and took the table. A gentleman came up and started yelling at us saying he was saving that table. I was going to jump in and either apologize, or explain that my sister has a brain injury and she really needs a table— but Lauren in her charming way jumped right in and was trying to chat with him. This man cut lauren off, yelled at her and accused her of being ‘too drunk to function’— and he stormed off.

Lauren thought nothing of this interaction and went back to singing along to Molly’s songs. But it really affected and hurt me. How can people be so misguided and rude?

People have thought lauren is drunk due that fact that she does not ‘look’ disabled. But as we all know, not all disabilities are visible.

This man was at a table with 12 other people (mostly middle aged couples). And as Lauren and I were leaving I decided that rather than yelling at him (which i did want to do) I decided to pay for this man’s 12 person table’s entire bill. On the back of the very very long receipt I wrote him a letter. 

In this letter I shared that I am paying for your bill so you have the opportunity to reflect on your actions, your words, and the way you interact with individuals out in the world. I prayed that he would realize not all disabilities are visible, and that I hope he realizes how hurtful his words are. That this was the highlight of Lauren’s week, and your words were unnecessary and could have easily ruined our experience if we had let it. 

I ended by sharing this quote ‘I hope as you come to realize I have paid for your meal, drinks, appetizers, shots and beer— and that effectively your experience here was ‘free’, I pray this helps you realize that kindness is in fact, also free.’

I hope this man learned from this experience. 

I share this as a reminder for everyone that kindness is free.

I also share this because I was reflecting this weekend about how important it is that everyone needs an advocate or ‘cheerleader’ in their life. Someone to stand up for you when you are unable to yourself. While my siblings and I often take moments to do dinner, or sleepovers or shopping, or games (or Taylor swift concerts) my mom and dad are 24/7 constant advocates and cheerleaders.

I started with the song lyrics from a rascal flats song ‘easy’—‘how hard it is to make it look so easy’. 

My mom and dad make it look easy. 

But nothing is easy about our journey. It is miraculous, it is inspirational but it is not easy. 

What my parents do not share is how amazing they are in advocating for Lauren. 

Let me share a few examples. As my mom shared Lauren was in the hospital this weekend, and it is interesting as the ER doctors do not understand Lauren’s baseline and her chart is likely thousand of pages so it is not easy to understand. 

Due to this my my mom is often recommending things to the doctors— things like:

⁃ we should look into a shut series to validate the shunt in her brain is not affected

⁃ have you ordered XYZ blood word

⁃ did you see that bruise on her hip i think we should X-ray

⁃ I think we should rule out XYZ with an MRI

The doctors simply agree with my mom and order the tests. They may know more about medicine or science, but my mom knows Lauren. 

I used to think doctors ‘fix’ and they ‘cure’ but I’ve realized behind every miracle is someone advocating for them. Someone in that room validating every decision, every action. I know some of you reading this are also a caregiver or have been in the past. I see you, I see the selfless way you advocate for your person and I want to thank you for being that person for someone you love. 

My dad meanwhile is not only constantly there for Lauren, he is there for my mom. He is the first to come with a funny joke, bring snacks or lighten the mood. At one point he compared Lauren’s freshly blow dryed hair to Harry dune in dumb and dumber. 

I mean here our family is, waiting on MRI results to see if our sister brain has more damage, seeing her unable to speak, struggle to walk and scared of the unknown, laughing about hair. 

Maybe laughter really is the best medicine.

My parents are the most selfless, loving, caring people I have ever met and I am so thankful we have them as parents. To advocate not only for us, but for Lauren each and every day. 

On this Fourth of July I pray you all hug your families a little tighter. 

Life is precious, family is everything and it is so helpful to reflect on all of the blessings we have. 

Thank you all for your continued prayers for Lauren and for all of your support on this journey.

And remember— Kindness is Free.